Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
