I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
