Please, let me fuck your mom
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
