I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
