I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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