I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
