I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
