A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
