my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
