I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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