Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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