you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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