Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
