I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
