I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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