like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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