Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
