She's JV to your varsity
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
