I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
