People with herpes should wear stickers.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
