could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm bleeding and have questions
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