Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
false alarm, still single
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