I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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