she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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