dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
