when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
