and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
