He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
