he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
pop tarts are not kleenex
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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