she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
