Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
