i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
