4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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