why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
