She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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