she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i love accidental penises.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
