"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
