dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
