and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
