Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I AM VODKA MAN
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
