Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
