I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
