Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
