Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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