Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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