you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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