You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm like, not good at living.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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