you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
