8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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