What did we do last night that was yellow?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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