Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
