I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
